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If you follow me for a while now, it will not be too surprising when I tell you that I’m pretty open-minded. I am open about sex, mental health and stuff like that, because I think they’re very important topics to talk about. The fact that society deems it to be taboo, is not going to make me hold my breath.
– trigger warning-
In this post I’m talking openly about mental health, self-harm, sex and fetishes.
If you are uncomfortable with either of those subjects, I’d recommend you to click away.
THE FINE LINE BETWEEN MASOCHISM AND SELF-HARM
I self-harm. I cut myself, I burn myself, I pick my skin, it doesn’t really matter, as long as it hurts, and it damages me permanently. It’s obviously a very harmful practice, which I do not wish anyone to practice, and if you do, please seek out for help, just like I do. It’s not healthy, and you deserve better.
I’m also a submissive. You’ve probably heard from “BDSM” before, if not, it’s a type of dynamic, either sexually or relationship wise, which consists of one person being the dominant, and the other being the submissive. The words kinda explain what that means. In a dom-sub relationship it’s very common for physical games to be played, and it’s not rare for the submissive to be masochistic, and the dominant to be sadistic. Masochism means to enjoy pain in a sexual matter, and sadism is about enjoying giving someone pain for sexual pleasure. If all the parties involved are of legal age and consenting, there is nothing wrong with pain play or anything of the kind. Or is there?
When I go to a fetish party, I often wear rather sparse clothing. Yes, I go to fetish parties, because I enjoy the vibe, the freedom and I like meeting interesting people I wouldn’t otherwise have met. If I walk around in a harness and a short skirt, people will notice my scars, that’s a fact. I don’t hide them, I’m not ashamed of them. I always get a reaction. But the difference is, when I’m just around in the “normal” or “vanilla” world, the reaction is usually negative, or concerned. When I show my scars on a fetishparty, the response is mostly positive.
Why that difference? In general, kinky people are more open-minded. Also about mental illness. But, sometimes they don’t even connect my scars to anything like that, unlike “vanilla” people. They automatically assume that I’m a masochist, and I just sexually enjoy harming myself. For them it looks like a kinky kind of masturbation. I get complimented on it. They don’t realize it’s not a masochistic expression of pleasure at all, it’s a cry of desperation and internal pain. So the first time I got a compliment about it, I didn’t understand it at all. Why would someone encourage self-destructive behavior?
I now realize they look at it from a completely different angle. I think the most important thing to do is to ask yourself whether you’re self-destructive simply because it pleasures you sexually, or if there’s some deeper issue. Some people harm themselves to punish themselves for something, or to quiet a deeper pain inside. In that case please don’t try to lie to yourself and say that you are just fulfilling your masochistic desires. You’re not, you need help. And that’s okay 🙂
FEATURED PHOTO’S BY TRASHERINK
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