Help Me Cover Up My Scars

I have self-harm scars. A lot. It all started when I was 14, at first it was a coping-mechanism to deal with a traumatic experience I had when I was 13. It began with just trying it out, slightly hurting myself was enough back then. But it developed into an addiction, not just to cope with inner pain, but to cope with the craving to cut myself.

Right now I’m doing a lot better. It’s been two months since I’ve last hurt myself, and although I’ve had “breaks” like that before, it feels different this time. I really don’t want to do it anymore, and I also have professional help for it. But everytime I wake up and look down, I get reminded of my struggles. I wish I could just look at myself and feel beautiful without having to think back at bad memories or all of the times I had the mental fight with myself on whether I should cut or not.

By YZStudioFoto

I always wanted to tattoo over my scars when I recovered. But it’s so many! My left arm is basically covered from shoulder to wrist, and my right upperarm is scarred as well. Also my hips and parts of my upper thighs are covered. It certainly is too much for me to be able to afford, since I’m just a student.

You can tattoo over scar tissue after it’s healed, which most tattoo artist say takes about 2 years. That means I still have to wait a while before I can cover up my arms, but I can start with my hips. I would like to get a semi-symetric black & grey hip piece.

I’m not getting these tattoo’s for other people. I’m not ashamed of my scars, and although I do feel a certain fear of offending people when I show my bare arms, I want to cover them for myself. It would allow me to close a certain chapter of my life, and I would be able to look at my body with joy, being able to celebrate my beauty instead of being pulled back into all these negative feelings.

By YZStudioFoto

So I started a GoFundMe page, you can click here if you’d like to donate to it. My biggest fear on starting this fundraiser is that people would find me selfish or greedy for doing this. I’m in no way saying you have to donate and the smallest amounts would mean the world to me. I don’t expect much, it would just be an amazing addition to what I’m already saving up myself, and it would mean that I can be able to live on much sooner.

❤ Thank you so much for reading my story and please please please share this with your family and friends, I would be so grateful!
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3 thoughts on “Help Me Cover Up My Scars

  1. I’m not usually one to leave a negative comment, and this isn’t meant to be nasty or insulting in any way, but you say you’ve not self harmed for 2 months. That’s nothing.

    I’ve not cut myself for 12 years, but it’s still my go-to coping mechanism. Every single time I get overwhelmed or angry I still have to fight the urge to cut/burn.

    I still self harm, but I don’t break the skin. I’m also tattooed, and believe me when I say that a tattoo will not stop you cutting again if you can’t fight the urge.
    You will cut anyway because it is so fundamental to making you feel better.

    My scars have faded to white now so they’re not as obvious but I still see people looking. Maybe because they can tell they’re old, I never get asked about them. They will fade.

    But honestly, (and again, in the nicest possible way) get tattooed because you want to get tattooed – not to cover up scars you will probably open up again before you can honestly say you no longer self harm.

    As I said, I’m tattooed, but I do not have a single scar covered over. They’re as much a part of my history as anything else and I don’t need to justify them. Covering them with something else is pointless because every time you see the tattoo you’ll still see what’s underneath.

    You need to learn how to live with years of self regulation before you can expect people to help you out financially.

    Besides which, most people will just see getting tattooed as a more elaborate, socially acceptable method of self harm.

    I’m always happy to talk about self harm if you need someone to listen. Keep fighting, chick x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Bernice,

      This is not the first comment I got that’s similar to yours. And yes I truly get it, 2 months really doesn’t seem like much (almost three now yay). But the thing is, I’ve tried to recover before, but that was never because I wanted to quit, it was just because I knew it was wrong, or because people told me so. And I relapsed every time, using “fuck them, they don’t understand” or something like that as an excuse. This time it’s different. I want to quit. I really do, and I’ve barely have had the urge to cut since I’ve stopped. I mean I have thought ‘oh in this kind of moment I totally would have cut’ and I would feel very frustrated because I wouldn’t know what to do, I’d feel very overwhelmed, but I now know how to distract myself and choose to do something else. I’ve thrown all of my razors away (and yes of course, a cutter can always find an object to hurt themselves with if they’d want to) and I’ve only missed them once, but I could easily just have picked up my curling iron, scissors, kitchen knife, pencil sharpener and so on, but I didn’t. I understand that it seems like a waste of time and money covering them up if you don’t believe I’ve stopped completely. But I’m very very confident it’s a thing of the past now.

      Thank you for telling us your story,
      xxx Nosferatu Necromancer

      Like

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